fanatic fandom

My other blog is a BMW. But this is a bandanna-pink Volkswagen Beetle - for flirty frivolous fun and fanatic fandom. This is where i get to play the bimbonic-geek and rave, enthuse, bitch and rant about anything and everything under the sun. Feel free to chip in!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

on meritocracy

Very interesting article on different types of meritocracy and their implications for Singapore.
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For the last year or so, i've been following Donald Low's writing on FB. He strikes me as someone who, as a former insider, knows the system well enough to understand how it functions, its strengths and weaknesses, and therefore is well placed to critique it and suggest good, viable avenues of positive change in terms that The Establishment can easily understand. We need more people like him.
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Interestingly, i actually think that his view of governance and social equity is closer in spirit to what our founding fathers had in mind in the 1960s than our current modus operandi. Somewhere along the way, the vision shifted to the right and hardened. i think success tends to do that to people -- which is precisely why systemic safeguards need to be in place to protect people from the natural leanings of human nature.
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The good news is that lots of people are paying attention to what he's saying -- people who will probably be making the decisions in future. The bad news is, i'm not sure if the ones making the decisions now are ready to listen to him, and others like him, and take their views on board. Because if our current leaders don't listen, the situation here is just going to go downhill, and who knows what kind of herculean effort it would take to set things right after that.
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Sunday, January 27, 2013

this world is not conclusion

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[501]
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This World is not Conclusion.
A Species stands beyond -
Invisible, as Music -
But positive, as Sound -
It beckons, and it baffles -
Philosophy - don't know -
And through a Riddle, at the last -
Sagacity, must go -
To guess it puzzles scholars -
To gain it, Men have borne
Contempt of Generations
And Crucifixion, shown -
Faith slips - and laughs, and rallies -
Blushes, if any see -
Plucks at a twig of Evidence -
And asks a Vane, the way -
Much Gesture, from the Pulpit -
Strong Hallelujahs roll -
Narcotics cannot still the Tooth
That nibbles at the soul -
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(Emily Dickinson)
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Saturday, January 26, 2013

wind of change

The times they are a-changin'. Let's hope it will prove to be a good change. Congrats and all the best to the WP!


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Friday, January 25, 2013

by the way...

Funny (hilarious!) conversation with a bunch of artists about the difference between being an artist and being a writer:
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Artist 1:  You know, the thing with writers is that you guys are so articulate.
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Artist 2: Yeah. i find it hard to talk about my work, but when i read writers writing about their writing, i can identify with so much that they feel.
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Me: Hmmmm... that's interesting... cos i always read stuff where writers are basically whining about how hard it is to write.
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Artist 2: Oh, artists whine too...!
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Artist 1: Yeah we whine all the time, it's just that we don't write about it...
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Artist 2: Cos we can't find the words, we can't express how we feel in writing...
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Artist 1: But actually the creative process, the problems, it's all very similar...
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Me: Ah... So it's not that writing is any more difficult than anything else. It's just that writers are better at whining about it!
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*MOMENT OF EPIPHANY*
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Thursday, January 24, 2013

why we travel (2)

And here's another essay by Paul Theroux -- much less wide-eyed innocent than Pico Iyer's, less airy-fairy abstract, with more heft, far more macho, and more rooted in the everyday concrete reality. (Ok, so Iyer's a hopeless romantic; but to be fair he wrote his in 2000, before Sept 11 and the 2004 tsunami and everything that has come in recent years.) i think if i were planning a trip, i'd listen to Theroux; but if i just needed to feel inspired, to be swept along by the beauty of words, well, Iyer would win the day.
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Why We Travel (Paul Theroux)
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IN the bungling and bellicosity that constitute the back and forth of history, worsened by natural disasters and unprovoked cruelty, humble citizens pay the highest price. To be a traveler in such circumstances can be inconvenient at best, fatal at worst. But if the traveler manages to breeze past such unpleasantness on tiny feet, he or she is able to return home to report: “I was there. I saw it all.” The traveler’s boast, sometimes couched as a complaint, is that of having been an eyewitness, and invariably this experience — shocking though it may seem at the time — is an enrichment, even a blessing, one of the life-altering trophies of the road.
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“Don’t go there,” the know-it-all, stay-at-home finger wagger says of many a distant place. I have heard it my whole traveling life, and in almost every case it was bad advice. In my experience these maligned countries are often the most fulfilling. I am not saying they are fun. For undiluted jollification you bake in the sun at Waikiki with a mai tai in your fist, or eat lotuses on the Côte d’Azur. As for the recognition of hard travel as rewarding, the feeling is mainly retrospective, since it is only in looking back that we see how we have been enriched. At the time, of course, the experience of being a bystander to sudden political or social change can be alarming.
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Throughout history the traveler has been forced to recognize the fact that leaving home means a loss of innocence, encountering uncertainty: the wider world has typically been regarded as haunted, a place of darkness: “There Be Dragons.” Or as Othello reported, “Cannibals that each other eat, /The Anthropophagi, and men whose heads/Do grow beneath their shoulders.”
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But it is the well-known world that seems particularly dire at this moment. Egypt has been upended, and I smile at the phrase “peaceful mob” as an oxymoron; all mobs contain an element of spitefulness and personal score-settling. Tunisia before the mass demonstrations and the coup was a sunny shoreline popular with European vacationers, and the chief annoyance to the traveler was the overzealous rug dealer.
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The recent disaster-in-installments in Japan of earthquake, tsunami, damaged nuclear reactors and near-meltdown is a particular shock; Japan has long been regarded as one of the safest countries in the world. And now it seems a perilous place of inundated cities and contaminated air and undrinkable water. The earthquake itself was enough to inspire a sense of deep insecurity. And the idea that Christchurch, New Zealand, could be flattened and feel dangerous — this polite, orderly, beautiful, underpopulated, provincial, hymn-singing place — is yet another surprise.
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Many people think of global travel as though presented on a menu, one of those dense, slightly sticky volumes that resemble the Book of Kells. But it is a changing menu, as certain places are “discovered” and others deleted. Libya is now a war zone, but only the other day the Libyan tourist board was encouraging visitors with promises of Roman ruins and cusucs bil-hoot (the Berber version of couscous with fish). Baghdad may have been the Paris of the ninth century, as Richard Burton described it, but James C. Simmons points out in “Passionate Pilgrims: English Travelers to the World of the Desert Arabs” that it has disappointed most travelers since then as, in their words, “a city of wicked dust,” “odorous, unattractive, and hot,” with an “atmosphere of squalor and poverty” — and these descriptions are from travelers in the 1930s, long before the invasion, war and suicide bombers.
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Afghanistan in the 1960s and ’70s for all its hassles (gunslingers, scolding mullahs, ancient buses, bowel-shattering cuisine) was astonishingly rich in tradition, ancient pieties and dramatic landscape, shimmering with the still-intact Buddha sculptures in Bamiyan, and penetrated with the sense of the medieval. There were robes, ragged turbans, daggers and even a certain dusty romance — dark eyes peeking from a Shmoo-like burqa. Kiss that goodbye. I well remember the jolting bus ride from the border city of Meshhad in Iran, the walk across the stony frontier to Islamic Qaleh, and finally the small-scale magnificence of the ancient city of Herat. It will be a long time before any farang with a backpack takes that bus ride again. And in Pakistan, the stupendous Greco-Buddhist ruins of Gandharan monasteries in and around Taxila, not far from Peshawar — only a dozen years ago a must-see spot — are now unvisited except by jihadis whose only mission is to deface them.
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For the modern traveler there are recent and sharp reversals — the overthrow of longstanding governments, earthquakes, a volcano, the release of radioactivity into a blue sky and cows’ milk — all in the span of a few months. What then is the traveler to do except huddle and observe?
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Tourists have always taken vacations in tyrannies — Tunisia and Egypt are pretty good examples. The absurd dictatorship gives such an illusion of stability that the place is often a holiday destination. Myanmar — yet another place recently traumatized by a deadly earthquake — is a classic example of a police state that is also a seemingly well-regulated country for sightseers, providing they don’t look too closely. (The Burmese guides are much too terrified to confide their fears to their clients.) Kenya’s 24 years under the kleptocracy of President Daniel arap Moi, which ended in 2002, never discouraged safari-goers, and in fact might have encouraged them to believe they were safe with so many conspicuous cops around. It is only relatively recently that tourists and hunters have begun to stay away from Zimbabwe. At a time when President Mugabe was starving and jailing his opponents in the ’90s, visitors to the country were applying for licenses to shoot elephants and having a swell time in the upscale game lodges.
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By contrast, the free-market-inspired, somewhat democratic, unregulated country can make for a bumpy trip, and a preponderance of rapacious locals. The Soviet Union, with nannying guides, controlled and protected its tourists; the new Russia torments visitors with every scam available to rampant capitalism. But unless you are in delicate health and desire a serious rest, none of this is a reason to stay home.
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“YOU’D be a fool to take that ferry,” people — both Scottish and English — said to me in the spring of 1982 when I set off at Stranraer in Scotland for Larne in Northern Ireland. I was making my clockwise journey around the British coast for the trip I later recounted in “The Kingdom by the Sea.” At the time and for more than 10 years later, a particularly vicious sort of sectarian terror was general all over Ulster.
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How do I know this? I was there, keeping my head down, eating fish and chips, drinking beer and observing the effects of this confederacy of murderous dunces, the splinter groups, grudge bearers and criminal hell-raisers of the purest ignorance. “I’m a Muslim!” a man cries out in a Belfast street in a dark joke that was going around at the time. And his attackers demand to know, “Are you a Catholic Muslim or a Protestant Muslim?”
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The narcissism of minor differences was never more starkly illustrated than after that rainy night when I boarded the ferry from Scotland and made the short voyage into the 17th century, setting off to look at the rest of Northern Ireland. What I found — what I have usually found after hearing all those warnings — was that it was much more complicated and factional than it had been described to me. And that there were unexpected pleasures. For one thing, the Irish of all sorts were grateful to have a listener. This is a trait of the aggrieved, and to be in the presence of talkers is a gift to a writer. Yes, there were checkpoints, roadblocks, bomb scares, metal detectors, pat downs. There was the occasional outrage. Ambushes by and against British soldiers were fairly common, as were other features of uprisings from Israel to Sri Lanka — the kicked-down door, the humiliated civilian, the stone-throwing children. But the prevailing quality of war is not noise or gunfire. It is suspense, something like boredom; nothing happens for long periods and then everything happens at once in indescribable confusion.
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What I saw in Ulster on that trip was unforgettable. It was first of all the recognition of the utter uselessness of the conflict and its self-destructive element. But it was also the way in which, in the worst situations, life goes on. Market day was observed even though a bomb was now and then detonated in a market square. Rituals were observed, like the one in Enniskillen in 1987 during which 11 people were killed when the I.R.A. detonated a bomb at a Remembrance Day ceremony — murdered as they were mourning their dead. Still, life continued: a cake sale, a bike race, farmers mowing their fields, the sound of a choir from a church, “Have a cup of tea?,” birds singing on the country roads where I waited for a bus, the blackening rain coming down and the exasperated good humor of humane people who were sick of it all.
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It was all a revelation that has become a rich and enlightening memory. It had not been the first time I was warned against a place. “Don’t — whatever you do — go to the Congo,” I was told when I was a teacher in Uganda in the mid- and late 1960s. But Congo was immense, and the parts I visited — Kivu in the east and Katanga in the south — were full of life in the way of beleaguered places. In the mid-1970s I was setting off from my West Berlin hotel toward the train into East Berlin, when the writer Jerzy Kosinski begged me not to go beyond the Brandenburg Gate. I might be arrested, tortured, held in solitary confinement.
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“What did they do to you?” he asked when he saw me reappear that evening. I told him I had had a bad meal, taken a walk, seen a museum and generally gotten an unedited glimpse of the grim and threadbare life of East Germany.
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Not all warnings are frivolous or self-serving. In 1973, I was warned not to go to Khmer Rouge-controlled Cambodia, and that was advice I heeded. It seemed to me foolhardy to go to a country in a state of anarchy. I wouldn’t go to present-day Somalia or Afghanistan either. Nor is Pakistan very tempting.
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I traveled to Vietnam that same year, just after the majority of American troops withdrew and about 18 months before the fall of Saigon. The country — though a government was intact — was adrift in a fatalistic limbo of whispers and guerrilla attacks. It was less a war zone than a slowly imploding region on the verge of surrender. My clearest memory was of the shattered Citadel and the muddy streets and the stinking foreshore of the Pearl River in Hue, up the coast, the terminus of the railway line. Now and then tracer fire, terror-struck people, a collapsed economy, rundown hotels and low spirits.
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Thirty-three years later I returned to Vietnam on my “Ghost Train to the Eastern Star” journey, which was a revisiting of my “Great Railway Bazaar.” I went back to the royal city of Hue, and saw that there can be life, even happiness, after war and, almost unimaginably, there can be forgiveness. Had I not seen the hellhole of Hue in wartime I would never had understood its achievement in a time of peace. Seven million tons of bombs had not destroyed Vietnam; they had if anything unified it. And Hanoi, which had suffered severe aerial bombardment over the many years of the war, looked to me wondrous in its postwar prosperity, with boulevards and villas, ponds and pagodas — as glorious as it had been when it had been the capital of Indochina. It is certainly one of the most successful, and loveliest, architectural restorations of any city in the world.
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Just a few years ago Sri Lanka emerged from a civil war, but even as the Tamil north was embattled and fighting a rear-guard action, there were tourists sunning themselves on the southern coast and touring the Buddhist stupas in Kandy. Now the war is over, and Sri Lanka can claim to be peaceful, except for the crowing of its government over the vanquishing of the Tamils. Tourists have returned in even greater numbers for the serenity and the small population. (Amazingly enough, almost the same number of people live in the Indian city of greater Mumbai than occupy the whole of the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka.)
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At one point Sri Lanka was on the Could Be Your Last Trip list of the traveler Robert Young Pelton. He has made a career of clucking about hazards, descriptions of which fill his books, notably “The World’s Most Dangerous Places.” On the one occasion when we met in the late 1990s — on a TV show taped in New Jersey — he came across as a genial if torpid Canadian, except when he was talking about the horrors of Sri Lanka, the Philippines and Colombia. I had made pleasurable trips to all three, I said. And I was compelled to point out to him that we were on the outskirts of Newark, at the time advertised by its own newspaper, The Star-Ledger, as New Jersey’s homicide capital.
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The earth is often perceived as a foolproof Google map — not very large, easily accessible and knowable by any finger-drumming geek with a computer. In some respects this is true. Distance is no longer a problem. You can nip over to Hong Kong or spend a weekend in Dubai, or Rio. But as some countries open up, others shut down. And some countries have yet to earn their place on the traveler’s map, such as Turkmenistan and Sudan. But I’ve been to both not long ago — one of very few sightseers. And along with oppression and human rights violations, I found hospitality, marvels and a sense of discovery.
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In my own “Tao of Travel,” the fact that a place is out of fashion, forgotten or not yet on the map doesn’t make it less interesting, just more itself, and any visit perhaps more of a challenge. But travel maps have always been provisional and penciled in, continually updated. The map of the possible world being redrawn right now — parts of it in tragic and unsettling ways — might soon mean new opportunities for the traveler who dares to try it. Travel, especially of the old laborious kind, has never seemed to me of greater importance, more essential, more enlightening.
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crossroads

So what does one do when one sees a friend, standing at a crossroads and thinking of taking a turning that looks good but isn't going to lead to life? Say what you have to say, ask a good question (or two), then let it go. And pray. Pray like crazy..
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

why we travel

Pico Iyer. i fell in love with his writing rather by accident just after coming back to Singapore from London. i can't remember how i first came upon it, or even which of his works i read first -- it may have been a book (The Lady and the Monk, Video Nights in Kathmandu -- now, did i actually read that, or am i just imagining it...?), or it may have been one of his essays online, or possibly, though this is not likely, his collection of essays, Tropical Classical, that i still love to this day. There was probably an element of necessity to that almost adolescent infatuation -- i had just come back to this island after spending 3 years in one of the great cities of the world, a city that's bigger (geographically, and i would say, culturally, politically...) than the one i had returned to. Iyer's writing offered an escape -- even if only on the page, and for a few moments, from all that i felt was closed-in and narrow about Singapore. It offered the promise of a world elsewhere -- and i clung onto it for dear life.
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i think it was also Iyer who first showed me the possibilities of the essay form -- offered a glimpse of how it can combine poetic lyricism, gritty and sharp-eyed realism, geographical, philosophical, and psychological exploration. In his essays, i saw breadth, an openness i hadn't yet seen in whatever little nonfiction i'd read at that point, an elasticity and a freedom that other forms (poetry, novels, short stories) simply did not offer. They took my breath away.
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And now, reading a travel piece by Paul Theroux in today's Straits Times (special mention of 1960s Singapore somewhere in the first few paragraphs...), i remember this gorgeous essay that i gave my readerly heart to the moment i first read it more than 10 years ago, and that i still love to this day. Here it is, in all its lyrical, breathtaking glory.
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Why We Travel (Pico Iyer)
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We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again — to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.
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The beauty of this whole process was best described, perhaps, before people even took to frequent flying, by George Santayana in his lapidary essay, “The Philosophy of Travel.” We “need sometimes,” the Harvard philosopher wrote, “to escape into open solitudes, into aimlessness, into the moral holiday of running some pure hazard, in order to sharpen the edge of life, to taste hardship, and to be compelled do work desperately for a moment at no matter what.”
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I like that stress on work, since never more than on the road are we shown how proportional our blessings are to the difficulty that precedes them; and I like the stress on a holiday that’s “moral” since we fall into our ethical habits as easily as into our beds at night. Few of us ever forget the connection between “travel” and “travail,” and I know that I travel in large part in search of hardship — both my own, which I want to feel, and others’, which I need to see. Travel in that sense guides us toward a better balance of wisdom and compassion — of seeing the world clearly, and yet feeling it truly. For seeing without feeling can obviously be uncaring; while feeling without seeing can be blind.
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Yet for me the first great joy of traveling is simply the luxury of leaving all my beliefs and certainties at home, and seeing everything I thought I knew in a different light, and from a crooked angle. In that regard, even a Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet (in Beijing) or a scratchy revival showing of “Wild Orchids” (on the Champs-Elysees) can be both novelty and revelation: In China, after all, people will pay a whole week’s wages to eat with Colonel Sanders, and in Paris, Mickey Rourke is regarded as the greatest actor since Jerry Lewis.
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If a Mongolian restaurant seems exotic to us in Evanston, Ill., it only follows that a McDonald’s would seem equally exotic in Ulan Bator — or, at least, equally far from everything expected. Though it’s fashionable nowadays to draw a distinction between the “tourist” and the “traveler,” perhaps the real distinction lies between those who leave their assumptions at home, and those who don’t: Among those who don’t, a tourist is just someone who complains, “Nothing here is the way it is at home,” while a traveler is one who grumbles, “Everything here is the same as it is in Cairo — or Cuzco or Kathmandu.” It’s all very much the same.
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But for the rest of us, the sovereign freedom of traveling comes from the fact that it whirls you around and turns you upside down, and stands everything you took for granted on its head. If a diploma can famously be a passport (to a journey through hard realism), a passport can be a diploma (for a crash course in cultural relativism). And the first lesson we learn on the road, whether we like it or not, is how provisional and provincial are the things we imagine to be universal. When you go to North Korea, for example, you really do feel as if you’ve landed on a different planet — and the North Koreans doubtless feel that they’re being visited by an extra-terrestrial, too (or else they simply assume that you, as they do, receive orders every morning from the Central Committee on what clothes to wear and what route to use when walking to work, and you, as they do, have loudspeakers in your bedroom broadcasting propaganda every morning at dawn, and you, as they do, have your radios fixed so as to receive only a single channel).
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We travel, then, in part just to shake up our complacencies by seeing all the moral and political urgencies, the life-and-death dilemmas, that we seldom have to face at home. And we travel to fill in the gaps left by tomorrow’s headlines: When you drive down the streets of Port-au-Prince, for example, where there is almost no paving and women relieve themselves next to mountains of trash, your notions of the Internet and a “one world order” grow usefully revised. Travel is the best way we have of rescuing the humanity of places, and saving them from abstraction and ideology.
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And in the process, we also get saved from abstraction ourselves, and come to see how much we can bring to the places we visit, and how much we can become a kind of carrier pigeon — an anti-Federal Express, if you like — in transporting back and forth what every culture needs. I find that I always take Michael Jordan posters to Kyoto, and bring woven ikebana baskets back to California; I invariably travel to Ceba with a suitcase piled high with bottles of Tylenol and bars of soap, and come back with one piled high with salsa tapes, and hopes, and letters to long-lost brothers.
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But more significantly, we carry values and beliefs and news to the places we go, and in many parts of the world, we become walking video screens and living newspapers, the only channels that can take people out of the censored limits of their homelands. In closed or impoverished places, like Pagan or Lhasa or Havana, we are the eyes and ears of the people we meet, their only contact with the world outside and, very often, the closest, quite literally, they will ever come to Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton. Not the least of the challenges of travel, therefore, is learning how to import — and export — dreams with tenderness.
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By now all of us have heard (too often) the old Proust line about how the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new places but in seeing with new eyes. Yet one of the subtler beauties of travel is that it enables you to bring new eyes to the people you encounter. Thus even as holidays help you appreciate your own home more — not least by seeing it through a distant admirer’s eyes — they help you bring newly appreciative — distant — eyes to the places you visit. You can teach them what they have to celebrate as much as you celebrate what they have to teach. This, I think, is how tourism, which so obviously destroys cultures, can also resuscitate or revive them, how it has created new “traditional” dances in Bali, and caused craftsmen in India to pay new attention to their works. If the first thing we can bring the Cubans is a real and balanced sense of what contemporary America is like, the second — and perhaps more important — thing we can bring them is a fresh and renewed sense of how special are the warmth and beauty of their country, for those who can compare it with other places around the globe.
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Thus travel spins us round in two ways at once: It shows us the sights and values and issues that we might ordinarily ignore; but it also, and more deeply, shows us all the parts of ourselves that might otherwise grow rusty. For in traveling to a truly foreign place, we inevitably travel to moods and states of mind and hidden inward passages that we’d otherwise seldom have cause to visit.
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On the most basic level, when I’m in Thailand, though a teetotaler who usually goes to bed at 9 p.m., I stay up till dawn in the local bars; and in Tibet, though not a real Buddhist, I spend days on end in temples, listening to the chants of sutras. I go to Iceland to visit the lunar spaces within me, and, in the uncanny quietude and emptiness of that vast and treeless world, to tap parts of myself generally obscured by chatter and routine.
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We travel, then, in search of both self and anonymity — and, of course, in finding the one we apprehend the other. Abroad, we are wonderfully free of caste and job and standing; we are, as Hazlitt puts it, just the “gentlemen in the parlour,” and people cannot put a name or tag to us. And precisely because we are clarified in this way, and freed of inessential labels, we have the opportunity to come into contact with more essendial parts of ourselves (which may begin to explain why we may feel most alive when far from home).
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Abroad is the place where we stay up late, follow impulse and find ourselves as wide open as when we are in love. We live without a past or future, for a moment at least, and are ourselves up for grabs and open to interpretation. We even may become mysterious — to others, at first, and sometimes to ourselves — and, as no less a dignitary than Oliver Cromwell once noted, “A man never goes so far as when he doesn’t know where he is going.”
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There are, of course, great dangers to this, as to every kind of freedom, but the great promise of it is that, traveling, we are born again, and able to return at moments to a younger and a more open kind of self. Traveling is a way to reverse time, to a small extent, and make a day last a year — or at least 45 hours — and traveling is an easy way of surrounding ourselves, as in childhood, with what we cannot understand. Language facilitates this cracking open, for when we go to France, we often migrate to French, and the more childlike self, simple and polite, that speaking a foreign language educes. Even when I’m not speaking pidgin English in Hanoi, I’m simplified in a positive way, and concerned not with expressing myself, but simply making sense.
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So travel, for many of us, is a quest for not just the unknown, but the unknowing; I, at least, travel in search of an innocent eye that can return me to a more innocent self. I tend to believe more abroad than I do at home (which, though treacherous again, can at least help me to extend my vision), and I tend to be more easily excited abroad, and even kinder. And since no one I meet can “place” me — no one can fix me in my risumi –I can remake myself for better, as well as, of course, for worse (if travel is notoriously a cradle for false identities, it can also, at its best, be a crucible for truer ones). In this way, travel can be a kind of monasticism on the move: On the road, we often live more simply (even when staying in a luxury hotel), with no more possessions than we can carry, and surrendering ourselves to chance.
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This is what Camus meant when he said that “what gives value to travel is fear” — disruption, in other words, (or emancipation) from circumstance, and all the habits behind which we hide. And that is why many of us travel not in search of answers, but of better questions. I, like many people, tend to ask questions of the places I visit, and relish most the ones that ask the most searching questions back of me: In Paraguay, for example, where one car in every two is stolen, and two-thirds of the goods on sale are smuggled, I have to rethink my every Californian assumption. And in Thailand, where many young women give up their bodies in order to protect their families — to become better Buddhists — I have to question my own too-ready judgments. “The ideal travel book,” Christopher Isherwood once said, “should be perhaps a little like a crime story in which you’re in search of something.” And it’s the best kind of something, I would add, if it’s one that you can never quite find.
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I remember, in fact, after my first trips to Southeast Asia, more than a decade ago, how I would come back to my apartment in New York, and lie in my bed, kept up by something more than jet lag, playing back, in my memory, over and over, all that I had experienced, and paging wistfully though my photographs and reading and re-reading my diaries, as if to extract some mystery from them. Anyone witnessing this strange scene would have drawn the right conclusion: I was in love.
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For if every true love affair can feel like a journey to a foreign country, where you can’t quite speak the language, and you don’t know where you’re going, and you’re pulled ever deeper into the inviting darkness, every trip to a foreign country can be a love affair, where you’re left puzzling over who you are and whom you’ve fallen in love with. All the great travel books are love stories, by some reckoning — from the Odyssey and the Aeneid to the Divine Comedy and the New Testament — and all good trips are, like love, about being carried out of yourself and deposited in the midst of terror and wonder.
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And what this metaphor also brings home to us is that all travel is a two-way transaction, as we too easily forget, and if warfare is one model of the meeting of nations, romance is another. For what we all too often ignore when we go abroad is that we are objects of scrutiny as much as the people we scrutinize, and we are being consumed by the cultures we consume, as much on the road as when we are at home. At the very least, we are objects of speculation (and even desire) who can seem as exotic to the people around us as they do to us.
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We are the comic props in Japanese home-movies, the oddities in Maliese anecdotes and the fall-guys in Chinese jokes; we are the moving postcards or bizarre objets trouves that villagers in Peru will later tell their friends about. If travel is about the meeting of realities, it is no less about the mating of illusions: You give me my dreamed-of vision of Tibet, and I’ll give you your wished-for California. And in truth, many of us, even (or especially) the ones who are fleeing America abroad, will get taken, willy-nilly, as symbols of the American Dream.
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That, in fact, is perhaps the most central and most wrenching of the questions travel proposes to us: how to respond to the dream that people tender to you? Do you encourage their notions of a Land of Milk and Honey across the horizon, even if it is the same land you’ve abandoned? Or do you try to dampen their enthusiasm for a place that exists only in the mind? To quicken their dreams may, after all, be to match-make them with an illusion; yet to dash them may be to strip them of the one possession that sustains them in adversity.
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That whole complex interaction — not unlike the dilemmas we face with those we love (how do we balance truthfulness and tact?) — is partly the reason why so many of the great travel writers, by nature, are enthusiasts: not just Pierre Loti, who famously, infamously, fell in love wherever he alighted (an archetypal sailor leaving offspring in the form of Madame Butterfly myths), but also Henry Miller, D.H. Lawrence or Graham Greene, all of whom bore out the hidden truth that we are optimists abroad as readily as pessimists as home. None of them was by any means blind to the deficiencies of the places around them, but all, having chosen to go there, chose to find something to admire.
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All, in that sense, believed in “being moved” as one of the points of taking trips, and “being transported” by private as well as public means; all saw that “ecstasy” (“ex-stasis”) tells us that our highest moments come when we’re not stationary, and that epiphany can follow movement as much as it precipitates it. I remember once asking the great travel writer Norman Lewis if he’d ever be interested in writing on apartheid South Africa. He looked at me astonished. “To write well about a thing,” he said, “I’ve got to like it!”
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At the same time, as all this is intrinsic to travel, from Ovid to O’Rourke, travel itself is changing as the world does, and with it, the mandate of the travel writer. It’s not enough to go to the ends of the earth these days (not least because the ends of the earth are often coming to you); and where a writer like Jan Morris could, a few years ago, achieve something miraculous simply by voyaging to all the great cities of the globe, now anyone with a Visa card can do that. So where Morris, in effect, was chronicling the last days of the Empire, a younger travel writer is in a better position to chart the first days of a new Empire, post-national, global, mobile and yet as diligent as the Raj in transporting its props and its values around the world.
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In the mid-19th century, the British famously sent the Bible and Shakespeare and cricket round the world; now a more international kind of Empire is sending Madonna and the Simpsons and Brad Pitt. And the way in which each culture takes in this common pool of references tells you as much about them as their indigenous products might. Madonna in an Islamic country, after all, sounds radically different from Madonna in a Confucian one, and neither begins to mean the same as Madonna on East 14th Street. When you go to a McDonald’s outlet in Kyoto, you will find Teriyaki McBurgers and Bacon Potato Pies. The placemats offer maps of the great temples of the city, and the posters all around broadcast the wonders of San Francisco. And — most crucial of all — the young people eating their Big Macs, with baseball caps worn backwards, and tight 501 jeans, are still utterly and inalienably Japanese in the way they move, they nod, they sip their Oolong teas — and never to be mistaken for the patrons of a McDonald’s outlet in Rio, Morocco or Managua. These days a whole new realm of exotica arises out of the way one culture colors and appropriates the products of another.
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The other factor complicating and exciting all of this is people, who are, more and more, themselves as many-tongued and mongrel as cities like Sydney or Toronto or Hong Kong. I am, in many ways, an increasingly typical specimen, if only because I was born, as the son of Indian parents, in England, moved to America at 7 and cannot really call myself an Indian, an American or an Englishman. I was, in short, a traveler at birth, for whom even a visit to the candy store was a trip through a foreign world where no one I saw quite matched my parents’ inheritance, or my own. And though some of this is involuntary and tragic — the number of refugees in the world, which came to just 2.5 million in 1970, is now at least 27.4 million — it does involve, for some of us, the chance to be transnational in a happier sense, able to adapt anywhere, used to being outsiders everywhere and forced to fashion our own rigorous sense of home. (And if nowhere is quite home, we can be optimists everywhere.)
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Besides, even those who don’t move around the world find the world moving more and more around them. Walk just six blocks, in Queens or Berkeley, and you’re traveling through several cultures in as many minutes; get into a cab outside the White House, and you’re often in a piece of Addis Ababa. And technology, too, compounds this (sometimes deceptive) sense of availability, so that many people feel they can travel around the world without leaving the room — through cyberspace or CD-ROMs, videos and virtual travel. There are many challenges in this, of course, in what it says about essential notions of family and community and loyalty, and in the worry that air-conditioned, purely synthetic versions of places may replace the real thing — not to mention the fact that the world seems increasingly in flux, a moving target quicker than our notions of it. But there is, for the traveler at least, the sense that learning about home and learning about a foreign world can be one and the same thing.
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All of us feel this from the cradle, and know, in some sense, that all the significant movement we ever take is internal. We travel when we see a movie, strike up a new friendship, get held up. Novels are often journeys as much as travel books are fictions; and though this has been true since at least as long ago as Sir John Mandeville’s colorful 14th century accounts of a Far East he’d never visited, it’s an even more shadowy distinction now, as genre distinctions join other borders in collapsing.
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In Mary Morris’s “House Arrest,” a thinly disguised account of Castro’s Cuba, the novelist reiterates, on the copyright page, “All dialogue is invented. Isabella, her family, the inhabitants and even la isla itself are creations of the author’s imagination.” On Page 172, however, we read, “La isla, of course, does exist. Don’t let anyone fool you about that. It just feels as if it doesn’t. But it does.” No wonder the travel-writer narrator — a fictional construct (or not)? — confesses to devoting her travel magazine column to places that never existed. “Erewhon,” after all, the undiscovered land in Samuel Butler’s great travel novel, is just “nowhere” rearranged.
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Travel, then, is a voyage into that famously subjective zone, the imagination, and what the traveler brings back is — and has to be — an ineffable compound of himself and the place, what’s really there and what’s only in him. Thus Bruce Chatwin’s books seem to dance around the distinction between fact and fancy. V.S. Naipaul’s recent book, “A Way in the World,” was published as a non-fictional “series” in England and a “novel” in the United States. And when some of the stories in Paul Theroux’s half-invented memoir, “My Other Life,” were published in The New Yorker, they were slyly categorized as “Fact and Fiction.”
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And since travel is, in a sense, about the conspiracy of perception and imagination, the two great travel writers, for me, to whom I constantly return are Emerson and Thoreau (the one who famously advised that “traveling is a fool’s paradise,” and the other who “traveled a good deal in Concord”). Both of them insist on the fact that reality is our creation, and that we invent the places we see as much as we do the books that we read. What we find outside ourselves has to be inside ourselves for us to find it. Or, as Sir Thomas Browne sagely put it, “We carry within us the wonders we seek without us. There is Africa and her prodigies in us.”
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So, if more and more of us have to carry our sense of home inside us, we also — Emerson and Thoreau remind us — have to carry with us our sense of destination. The most valuable Pacifics we explore will always be the vast expanses within us, and the most important Northwest Crossings the thresholds we cross in the heart. The virtue of finding a gilded pavilion in Kyoto is that it allows you to take back a more lasting, private Golden Temple to your office in Rockefeller Center.
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And even as the world seems to grow more exhausted, our travels do not, and some of the finest travel books in recent years have been those that undertake a parallel journey, matching the physical steps of a pilgrimage with the metaphysical steps of a questioning (as in Peter Matthiessen’s great “The Snow Leopard”), or chronicling a trip to the farthest reaches of human strangeness (as in Oliver Sack’s “Island of the Color-Blind,” which features a journey not just to a remote atoll in the Pacific, but to a realm where people actually see light differently). The most distant shores, we are constantly reminded, lie within the person asleep at our side.
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So travel, at heart, is just a quick way to keeping our minds mobile and awake. As Santayana, the heir to Emerson and Thoreau with whom I began, wrote, “There is wisdom in turning as often as possible from the familiar to the unfamiliar; it keeps the mind nimble; it kills prejudice, and it fosters humor.” Romantic poets inaugurated an era of travel because they were the great apostles of open eyes. Buddhist monks are often vagabonds, in part because they believe in wakefulness. And if travel is like love, it is, in the end, mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed. That is why the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.
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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

from the heart

It's crazy times again here on our tiny little island -- and everyone's up in arms arguing about The Issue That Will Not Go Away. Funny how self-awareness tends to go up in smoke in these debates. Again and again, people call for understanding and empathy, speak of the necessity of listening to those different from ourselves -- but are unwilling to extend that same understanding to the very ones whose views they themselves oppose, whom they denounce as haters and bigots. In such cases, i can't help but feel that it might actually be better if those appeals for understanding were not sounded at all. If it's not possible for one to oppose a belief without also tearing down those who hold that belief, then be honest about one's biases, and don't preach something that one is unable to put into practice.
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Reading all the online debates, i felt this sudden urge, no, need, to read some intelligent Christian writing: Marilynne Robinson, Christian WimanDietrich Bonhoeffer, Thinking Faith, the online journal of the British Jesuits that's both oh-so-British, and also oh-so-Jesuit. And i'm wondering once again what the right response to (let me be very frank) things that get on one's nerves should be. Or, to put it in broader terms: what the right response to the dark and ugly side of life should be. (i seem to have spent the greater part of the last few months thinking about that question......)
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Quite some time back, i decided against accepting requests to review books that i don't think are good. The reasoning being that badly-written books will eventually die a natural death anyway, even if they're popular initially; and that there are so many well-written books out there waiting to be read and publicised. It just makes more sense to put one's time and energy into promoting the good, rather than denouncing the bad. Also, writing about stuff that one likes is so much more enjoyable than writing about stuff one doesn't like. And after all, writers are human -- even those who write bad books -- and i just don't see the need to tear down someone just because they've published something that i don't like or that i think is sub-standard.
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Which probably works most of the time with books. Some of my friends feel otherwise: their view is that people who write bad stuff need to know that they can't get away so easily with poor-quality work. And i can see where they're coming from, i really can: i just think that being ignored by the people who know better in favour of the Really Good Stuff is message enough for anyone -- and if a writer doesn't get the message then maybe he/she should think twice about being a writer in the first place.
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But is it different with Real Life? All the Things That Get On Our Nerves, and that we feel are wrong or somehow misguided -- what to do with them? Avoid them and have nothing to do with them? Criticise and work against them as an outsider? Work from within to change them for the better? Or just focus on doing good in whatever capacity we can, and don't get caught in the in-fighting? i suspect the answer is: It depends. In which case, i'm wondering if retreating into my little mental universe of Wiman and Marilynne Robinson and darned-good-British-Jesuit-writing, and just (just!) showing love to all parties in the controversy ("Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace...") is the best course of action for me in this particular round of the Big Debate...
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And of course there've been all the other minor little Things That Get On My Nerves recently -- things that are making me so look forward to this summer and the opportunity to explore a different country, a different culture, a different faith tradition. i think that the 13 years of being here, on this tiny island, watching my friends fly off here there and everywhere in pursuit of their dreams, trying to make the best of it by seeking out all the things that make us such an intriguing country and society, are finally starting to get to me. It's not so much that i don't like this place (..... it's complicated .....): it's just that like everything else, this country has its limits, and its smallness doesn't help. i feel i've already milked it dry. And much as books, movies, and the internet have been such blessings in bringing within reach ideas, music, etc, from elsewhere, there's only so much that they can do. My mind and heart are starting to stagnate, and it's affecting my writing. It's time for a change. And i'm hoping so much that all goes well for this summer, so that the mind and heart get a chance at renewal.
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Sunday, January 20, 2013

note to self (2)

...... and never again go for......
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Saturday, January 19, 2013

note to self

... Go for all real proper literary events, say Yes to all things really literary that are not illegal / unethical / immoral, even if you'd rather not. It always always always works out, and often far better than you'd have thought.
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Friday, January 18, 2013

only connect

E.M. Forster -- i read him way back in school, long before i could understand what he was on about. It was at that awkward point in your mid-teens when all the stuff that's targetted at people your age starts feeling boring and trivial, but the stuff that's not, the classics, are still just beyond your reach. So i read loads of books that i didn't actually understand -- The Turn of the Screw, Lady Chatterley's Lover...
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Anyway, the only thing (Ok -- not literally the only thing, because i also remember that one of the main characters dies crushed by a falling wardrobe...) i remember of Forster's novel Howard's End is the epigraph: "Only connect." And i'm thinking of that web of connections that holds together a society, a community; even the connections we may be unaware of, or have forgotten. Maybe it's the writer in me, but i find these connections wonderfully delightful -- it gives me joy to uncover them, to find when talking with a stranger, for instance, that there's a relationship tying us together that goes back for decades and that we (obviously) were oblivious to till now. There's something nicely symmetrical about these connections -- it's silly but i enjoy symmetry. Especially random symmetry.


[Edit:  Ok, so it wasn't death by falling wardrobe. He dies of a heart attack after being attacked by another character and stumbling backwards into a bookshelf which falls on him.]
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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

last resort

i've always thought that satire is the last refuge of the powerless. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration. But by the time employees in an organisation, for example, resort to satirising the organisational culture / leaders etc, it's usually because they've tried other means of changing things and seen them fail. So what does it say about US politics, that the New Yorker has started writing satirical little pieces like this one:

Republicans accuse Obama of using position as President to lead country.

Okok ... maybe i'm reading too much into this. Maybe it just means that Americans actually have a sense of humour. :)
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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

worlds apart (2)

Interesting how you can know people for half your life, and then realise how little you actually know them. Or realise after so many years how you're just worlds apart in the way you think and see the world. Amazing.
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Monday, January 14, 2013

set the world on fire

In England last year, i saw a bonfire for the first time in my life. (Bonfire, as opposed to campfire or other types of deliberately-built outdoor fires.) Something about it so mesmerised me that i stood in front of it watching it for hours at a stretch, over two days. i took over 20 photos. (Yes, i know, sometimes i worry about me, too.) i loved the crackling, the smell of woodsmoke, the heat in my face, the patient spread of fire from branch to twig to leaf. And i remember thinking at the time that the whole thing felt like a sermon -- a 'fire sermon', as Eliot put it in The Waste Land. i felt that way even though i had no idea what this sermon was saying, to me or to anyone else.
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So it was a pleasant surprise when i discovered after coming back that one of the lesser-known Ignatian catchphrases is 'Go forth and set the world on fire'. Nice soundbite - the Jesuits seem to have a knack for those. Apparently, it's what Ignatius told Francis Xavier before FX set out on his missionary journey to Asia. The two good friends would never see each other again.
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So inspirational - that idea of passionate revolution. Less often thought of, by people who are not themselves passionate revolutionaries, is the cost of that setting afire, the things you give up along the way. i know i'm too liable to look at the sacrifice and the cost. And from time to time i need to remind myself to look up, see the bigger picture, remember the vision.
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Saturday, January 12, 2013

my singapore (2)

Glory be to ice kachang, chicken rice, Hock Lam Street Beef Noodles, rojak with ginger flowers and cuttlefish, roti prata, tau suan, you tiao, Samy's Curry, Hwa Heng Beef Noodles, Tiong Bahru chwee kuay, sugarcane juice with lemon, teh-C, kaya toast with butter, Qiu Lian Ban Mian, Adam Road nasi lemak, Hokkien mee wrapped in dried banana leaves, barbecued sting ray, Tiong Bahru fishballs, Chomp Chomp chicken wings, seafood kway teow, mee pok, XO fish noodles, chee cheong fun, chilli crab, claypot jasmine rice with crabmeat and shrimp consomme @ Space, My Humble House, nasi briyani, chicken buah keluat, orh nee, kway chap, porridge with century egg and minced pork, chai tow kuay, durian, Greenwood roast duck rice, popiah, bah kut teh, otah, chendol, and teh-O-ice-limau.
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As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
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Thursday, January 10, 2013

coming to terms

So i've felt from the start that this project is something i need to do, have to do... even [Delusions of Grandeur (DoG) moment here...] am called to do. But it's not going to get done if i insist on lyrical transcendence. Ok then. So be it. i won't insist. Let the writing serve the subject, serve the people and the community, rather than the other way round. Let this book be what it wants to, needs to, be.
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And if along the way, lyrical transcendence happens, then well and good. If not, i'll settle for truth and beauty. :)
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Wednesday, January 09, 2013

breakthrough

After weeks of writer's block, of feeling i'd lost the initial vision -- finally, i've found a way. And once again i'm reminded that nothing makes me happier than this.
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MYOB

i wonder if it's possible for any literary writer to ever stop feeling a vague envy of the people who are out there in the world actively making a difference, actively doing immediately useful and practical things that have a tangible impact on the lives of the people who are touched by their work. To reach a place of such faith and contentment in one's work, and to do work that is so good, as to feel that one's contributions to culture and the life of the mind are as inherently valuable (if not as valued...) as those of doctors, scientists, teachers, businessmen...
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i suppose this is where Christ's last recorded words to Peter in John's Gospel are a good reminder: "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You follow me." Or, in other words, mind your own business!
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Tuesday, January 08, 2013

muss es sein?

inexorable (adj.)
1550s, from M.Fr. inexorable and directly from L. inexorabilis "that cannot be moved by entreaty," from in- "not, opposite of" + exorabilis "able to be entreated," from exorare "to prevail upon," from ex- "out" + orare "pray".

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Sometime a few years back i fell in love with this word. It just sounded so good, felt so nice on the tongue. You could roll the syllables around -- almost palpably. Of course i also knew what it meant. That was where it started getting not-quite-so-nice.
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Doing research for the current project, what struck me with increasing clarity was the sense of the inevitability of history. We live our tiny lives in the ever-shifting here and now, and we don't often think about what has brought us to this present -- all the accidents (as they seem) of time, place and chance, fortuitous meetings or partings that led to this and then that. In a recent conversation with a group of old friends about bilingualism and their experiences with learning Chinese back in school, it occurred to me that so much of what we had gone through as students in the 80s and 90s, and consequently, what shaped our values and social circles, had their roots in the explosive political events of the 50s and 60s, which of course were rooted in circumstances that went even further back in time, etc etc ad infinitum. And how unaware most of us were of our relation to history.
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The same goes for the seemingly less-momentous circumstances of our personal lives - the people we meet (or not), the people we love or leave. There's an inevitability to things -- life is shaped by a combination of our personality, choices, life circumstances, and the larger surrounding socio-political-historical context, against which we have less say than we might want to think.
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i like the metaphor of the tidal wave that appears in the title of the recent novel depicting that period of student activism in the Chinese schools: 'Mighty Wave' ('巨浪'). And i remember that presentation BP did, where he juxtaposed pictures of the galaxies, then stars, then planets, against photos of individual people.
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Beethoven asked: Muss es sein? His answer? Es muss sein! For all his struggle against fate, that was still his answer. i suppose this could be either a comforting thought, or not -- depending on how one looks at it.
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[Edit:  just a few hours after the original post was written:
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There's something in all this about necessity that is crying out to be written at some point. i think it might also involve somehow the word 'nexus'. And maybe also the word 'vision', and the blessing of being able to see.]
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Monday, January 07, 2013

Deo gratias

Redemption Hill Church. One of the best things that's happened to me in the last year, and another decision that's worked out far better than i could have ever imagined. Come visit sometime!
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Sunday, January 06, 2013

conversations to remember

"Reading Boey Kim Cheng for inspiration."
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"Just add exile!"
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"You really shouldn't be encouraging me in that direction, A..."
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Saturday, January 05, 2013

a pragmatist at heart (2)

.... My friend,
every sorceress is
a pragmatist at heart; nobody
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sees essence who can't
face limitation.
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(from 'Circe's Song', Louise Gluck)
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Bracing myself for yet more leavings. i'm sure XW will be heading off to Tempe-land soon, the moment he finds a job, and once that happens i'm fairly certain he won't be coming back. And D -- who knows what she'll find in Berlin. My sense is that she won't be coming back here for the long-term after her stint is up.
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i think that years of being able to see essence, and hence having people do exactly what i knew in my heart they would do, has made me more of a pragmatist than i'd have thought. i wonder which is preferable: to know beforehand and be able to prepare myself accordingly, yet have to deal with the burden of knowledge; or not to know and be caught unawares, but in the interim to enjoy the unalloyed pleasures of blissful ignorance.
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why, God?

By Fr Kevin O'Neil
From The New York Times, 25 Dec 2012
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How does one celebrate Christmas with the fresh memory of 20 children and 7 adults ruthlessly murdered in Newtown; with the searing image from Webster of firemen rushing to save lives ensnared in a burning house by a maniac who wrote that his favorite activity was “killing people”? How can we celebrate the love of a God become flesh when God doesn’t seem to do the loving thing? If we believe, as we do, that God is all-powerful and all-knowing, why doesn’t He use this knowledge and power for good in the face of the evils that touch our lives?
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The killings on the cusp of Christmas in quiet, little East Coast towns stirred a 30-year-old memory from my first months as a priest in parish ministry in Boston. I was awakened during the night and called to Brigham and Women’s Hospital because a girl of 3 had died. The family was from Peru. My Spanish was passable at best. When I arrived, the little girl’s mother was holding her lifeless body and family members encircled her.
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They looked to me as I entered. Truth be told, it was the last place I wanted to be. To parents who had just lost their child, I didn’t have any words, in English or Spanish, that wouldn’t seem cheap, empty. But I stayed. I prayed. I sat with them until after sunrise, sometimes in silence, sometimes speaking, to let them know that they were not alone in their suffering and grief. The question in their hearts then, as it is in so many hearts these days, is “Why?”
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The truest answer is: I don’t know. I have theological training to help me to offer some way to account for the unexplainable. But the questions linger. I remember visiting a dear friend hours before her death and reminding her that death is not the end, that we believe in the Resurrection. I asked her, “Are you there yet?” She replied, “I go back and forth.” There was nothing I wanted more than to bring out a bag of proof and say, “See? You can be absolutely confident now.” But there is no absolute bag of proof. I just stayed with her. A life of faith is often lived “back and forth” by believers and those who minister to them.
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Implicit here is the question of how we look to God to act and to enter our lives. For whatever reason, certainly foreign to most of us, God has chosen to enter the world today through others, through us. We have stories of miraculous interventions, lightning-bolt moments, but far more often the God of unconditional love comes to us in human form, just as God did over 2,000 years ago.
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I believe differently now than 30 years ago. First, I do not expect to have all the answers, nor do I believe that people are really looking for them. Second, I don’t look for the hand of God to stop evil. I don’t expect comfort to come from afar. I really do believe that God enters the world through us. And even though I still have the “Why?” questions, they are not so much “Why, God?” questions. We are human and mortal. We will suffer and die. But how we are with one another in that suffering and dying makes all the difference as to whether God’s presence is felt or not and whether we are comforted or not.
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One true thing is this: Faith is lived in family and community, and God is experienced in family and community. We need one another to be God’s presence. When my younger brother, Brian, died suddenly at 44 years old, I was asking “Why?” and I experienced family and friends as unconditional love in the flesh. They couldn’t explain why he died. Even if they could, it wouldn’t have brought him back. Yet the many ways that people reached out to me let me know that I was not alone. They really were the presence of God to me. They held me up to preach at Brian’s funeral. They consoled me as I tried to comfort others. Suffering isolates us. Loving presence brings us back, makes us belong.
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A contemporary theologian has described mercy as “entering into the chaos of another.” Christmas is really a celebration of the mercy of God who entered the chaos of our world in the person of Jesus, mercy incarnate. I have never found it easy to be with people who suffer, to enter into the chaos of others. Yet, every time I have done so, it has been a gift to me, better than the wrapped and ribboned packages. I am pulled out of myself to be love’s presence to someone else, even as they are love’s presence to me.
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I will never satisfactorily answer the question “Why?” because no matter what response I give, it will always fall short. What I do know is that an unconditionally loving presence soothes broken hearts, binds up wounds, and renews us in life. This is a gift that we can all give, particularly to the suffering. When this gift is given, God’s love is present and Christmas happens daily.
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arvonian

So the effects of the Arvon are still reverberating in my life -- people i met on the course still recommending poetry, M.A. programmes, encouraging me to keep at it. Every time i hear from one of them, something lights up in my eyes and my heart glows a little. Honestly one of the best decisions i've made, ever.
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Thursday, January 03, 2013

the wretched of the earth

Random observation about Les Mis.
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Finale version of 'Do You Hear The People Sing':
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Do you hear the people sing
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light
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For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.
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Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to cee? ......
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Which reminded me of Frantz Fanon's The Wretched of the Earth. Here's the opening paragraph of the last chapter:
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Come, then, comrades; it would be as well to decide at once to change our ways. We must shake off the heavy darkness in which we were plunged, and leave it behind. The new day which is already at hand must find us firm, prudent and resolute.
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i suppose if one were writing a libretto for a musical on revolution, such language is kinda unavoidable. Still, i can't help but wonder if the people who wrote it had been inspired by Fanon's book.
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my singapore

Gurney Drive @ Changi Airport. i wonder if Singapore is the only country in the world where people go to the airport, not just to catch planes or send people off, but also to eat and shop. Well, whatever the case, i'm glad to have stumbled upon Gurney Drive on my last visit to Changi. The food is amazing. Okok, since i haven't yet been to Penang, i've no idea if it's actually authentic Penang cuisine. But who cares. It's yummy, and cheap, and the wait staff are friendly, attentive and efficient. Lovely place that i'd be happy to recommend to anyone, even if they were only on a stopover at Changi.
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"Wah look at the sky. Nice clouds."
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"Going to rain."
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"Where got. Just now rain already. Clouds like that, won't rain one lah."
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"Got. This morning got rain. Last night also this kind of clouds."
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"Is it. Oh. Ok."
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Conversations in Singlish. The night sky was beautiful today. Stretches of dark blue broken by the kind of big fluffy clouds i've been seeing on the Melbourne photos a friend has been liberally putting up online. Let's see if it really does rain in the morning.


[Edit: 4 Jan 2012
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No, it did not rain in the morning. And, errata: the clouds were not so much big and fluffy, as big with ragged edges. Which made for a very dramatic night sky.]

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Tuesday, January 01, 2013

looking back

2012 was a crazy year. Not as crazy as other years have been, as far as the last decade or so goes, but crazy enough. All over the world, in Europe, in the Middle East, things falling apart; and even here in Singapore, the previously-unimaginable finally happening (call me a cynic, but surely it was just a matter of time). And then each of us in our lives with our joys and losses, dreams come true, deferred or broken. All the usual craziness of life in all its glorious and frightening unpredictability.
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i remember BP telling me in his office just before he left for Australia why he had instituted the end-of-the-year ceremony for our year-one students. It was to give them the opportunity to look back, to take stock, to see what they had learnt, and to think about what they wanted from the coming year. It was to give them the opportunity to grow. i'll never forget what he said. (Actually, i'll never forget anything he did and said... but that's another story altogether.) The idea that a simple 2+-hour ceremony could give students a chance to grow -- and they did, he said, and i believe him -- was simply mind-boggling to me, which i suppose says a lot about how much i understood about education at the time.
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His words came back to me today, because i was thinking about new years, how this rather arbitrary boundary between one year/day/hour and the next functions in much the same way as BP's year-end ceremony. Some say, Don't look back. Look forward, and move on. i don't know if that's actually possible; and even if it was, i'm not sure it's healthy. Surely the remembrance of things past is what allows us to understand what we've experienced, and, crucially, to learn from it, move on, and grow. Not something to gloss over or ignore.
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a good start

It's hard to find happy new year poems. All the ones posted by the poet friends on Facebook are sortof sad and reflective, or at least mellow and autumnal, Brahmsian. i guess that must be because all the happy poets are out partying rather than at home writing new year poems.
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No time to attempt a counter-cultural happy new year poem meself, but here's to driving to an old friend's new place with bread-and-butter pudding in the car boot, Mozart on the radio, the streets oh so wonderfully clear of traffic, and a morning with a tumbling running whirling toddler, pretty darned good singing, nice food, and friendly conversation.
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Welcome 2013 - you've gotten off to a good start so far. i almost want to say, Stay good. But then i guess i should know better than to be trying to boss a year around.
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