from the heart

It's crazy times again here on our tiny little island -- and everyone's up in arms arguing about The Issue That Will Not Go Away. Funny how self-awareness tends to go up in smoke in these debates. Again and again, people call for understanding and empathy, speak of the necessity of listening to those different from ourselves -- but are unwilling to extend that same understanding to the very ones whose views they themselves oppose, whom they denounce as haters and bigots. In such cases, i can't help but feel that it might actually be better if those appeals for understanding were not sounded at all. If it's not possible for one to oppose a belief without also tearing down those who hold that belief, then be honest about one's biases, and don't preach something that one is unable to put into practice.
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Reading all the online debates, i felt this sudden urge, no, need, to read some intelligent Christian writing: Marilynne Robinson, Christian Wiman, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Thinking Faith, the online journal of the British Jesuits that's both oh-so-British, and also oh-so-Jesuit. And i'm wondering once again what the right response to (let me be very frank) things that get on one's nerves should be. Or, to put it in broader terms: what the right response to the dark and ugly side of life should be. (i seem to have spent the greater part of the last few months thinking about that question......)
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Quite some time back, i decided against accepting requests to review books that i don't think are good. The reasoning being that badly-written books will eventually die a natural death anyway, even if they're popular initially; and that there are so many well-written books out there waiting to be read and publicised. It just makes more sense to put one's time and energy into promoting the good, rather than denouncing the bad. Also, writing about stuff that one likes is so much more enjoyable than writing about stuff one doesn't like. And after all, writers are human -- even those who write bad books -- and i just don't see the need to tear down someone just because they've published something that i don't like or that i think is sub-standard.
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Which probably works most of the time with books. Some of my friends feel otherwise: their view is that people who write bad stuff need to know that they can't get away so easily with poor-quality work. And i can see where they're coming from, i really can: i just think that being ignored by the people who know better in favour of the Really Good Stuff is message enough for anyone -- and if a writer doesn't get the message then maybe he/she should think twice about being a writer in the first place.
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But is it different with Real Life? All the Things That Get On Our Nerves, and that we feel are wrong or somehow misguided -- what to do with them? Avoid them and have nothing to do with them? Criticise and work against them as an outsider? Work from within to change them for the better? Or just focus on doing good in whatever capacity we can, and don't get caught in the in-fighting? i suspect the answer is: It depends. In which case, i'm wondering if retreating into my little mental universe of Wiman and Marilynne Robinson and darned-good-British-Jesuit-writing, and just (just!) showing love to all parties in the controversy ("Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace...") is the best course of action for me in this particular round of the Big Debate...
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And of course there've been all the other minor little Things That Get On My Nerves recently -- things that are making me so look forward to this summer and the opportunity to explore a different country, a different culture, a different faith tradition. i think that the 13 years of being here, on this tiny island, watching my friends fly off here there and everywhere in pursuit of their dreams, trying to make the best of it by seeking out all the things that make us such an intriguing country and society, are finally starting to get to me. It's not so much that i don't like this place (..... it's complicated .....): it's just that like everything else, this country has its limits, and its smallness doesn't help. i feel i've already milked it dry. And much as books, movies, and the internet have been such blessings in bringing within reach ideas, music, etc, from elsewhere, there's only so much that they can do. My mind and heart are starting to stagnate, and it's affecting my writing. It's time for a change. And i'm hoping so much that all goes well for this summer, so that the mind and heart get a chance at renewal.
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