a long silence

It's been a long silence, here on this blog. i'm not exactly sure what it means -- whether it's laziness, or whether it's life happening elsewhere (Real Life! Offline Life!), or whether it's just that i've lost the desire to be journalling about stuff here. Maybe it's cos i really don't like being 'in transit' -- with so many things waiting to end, and waiting to start. There are only so many blog posts that one can write about feeling very Thomas Merton. Maybe it's because so many unexpected things keep happening -- new things, and signs of new life, perhaps, but things i could never have foreseen even three months ago. (Strangely, however, i am not surprised. i am learning now the difference between un-surprise, and expectation.)
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One gets tired of constantly being on the move, metaphorically, of constantly having to make new choices and make do with what life throws at you. Constant change is tiring. i am longing for stability, for a steady rhythm to things that i can count on. i am tired of waiting on other people for things to happen -- but that's the price of working with others, i suppose, of living in community. The alternative is to do things alone, and i like that even less.
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Anyway. In the next few days, even more decisions to make. Decisions decisions...! Very tired.
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