feeling rather thomas merton

Just 2 more months, and i'll be on a 3-month-long transatlantic jaunt -- the longest i've been away from Singapore since university. i'm not sure what these months will bring. Life has been so unpredictable for the last few years. Yet, oddly enough, whatever happens, i always feel as if i'm stepping into a story that has already been written. If that makes any sense at all. i've rarely been surprised. (Ok, maybe once or twice. But on the whole? i may like or dislike the stuff that's happened, and i may or may not have expected it, but i've generally not been surprised. If that makes any sense.)
.
i don't like this uncertainty -- in a sense, i guess i'm more Singaporean, and more of a (former) civil servant, than i like to think. i like to plan ahead, know what life has in store for me, know what path i am about to take, and also, i like to be able to see where the path will lead me -- or at least, i like to know what path i am on for the moment and know where this particular path is likely to go, even if other things come up later that i had not foreseen. The path i am on, though -- i cannot see more than a few months ahead, and even then, everything is foggy and not clear at all. Kinda scary.
.
.