more distinctions

Yes, still harping on the theme of different kinds of resilience. It rather horrifies me, how it's possible to survive great pain and hardship, only to become the kind of person who's closed to others, who would never admit weakness, who would never ask for help or let other people in, who keeps others at a distance and makes others feel weak and useless if they ever find themselves needing help and support. A person who worships strength for its own sake, as a kind of self-defence. In other words, a tall, isolated tower with no windows and a moat around it. A moat with crocodiles.
.
What makes the difference, i wonder, between the person who suffers and survives, and allows that suffering to make him/her kinder, more compassionate, more approachable, more human; and the person who suffers and and survives, and wears that survival like an impenetrable full-body steel armour that keeps everyone else out, and hides a withering soul inside?
.
.