somewhere cold

So tired. It's the heat, this darned weather, the humidity, the thickness of the air. It's the whole of the last year, feeling like i've been swimming through starch, fighting just to get through the tasks each day presents to me, doing the necessary when my heart is elsewhere, not knowing where exactly that elsewhere is, wanting things and not getting them, not wanting things and getting them, thinking i wanted things and not getting them, thinking i didn't want things and getting them.
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i really really really really hope that things will feel better on the trip. It's 10 weeks -- a long time to be away. i'm looking forward to it, looking forward to once again being somewhere cold; but almost afraid i'll come back even more tired than before. Unsure of what i'll find there. Maybe when i come back, i'll have had so much of travel -- "give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die" (NOT my prayer, but i do think this is a possibility...) -- that i'll just want to hunker down here in Singapore and not go anywhere else for the next 3 years.
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i hope the cold will not be too much for me.
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