recalibrating

Goals can change when circumstances -- the factors that led to those goals being set in the first place -- change. Maybe there's something to be said for throwing yourself into something even if you don't feel ready for it; wait too long, and the surrounding circumstances may change so much that it becomes impossible to throw yourself in, even if you wanted to.

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But i've never been one to jump into things i don't feel ready for. i will give myself wholeheartedly, 120%, to something, once i'm sure i can handle it and it's what i want. But to make promises -- to others and to myself -- without any assurance of being able to keep those promises, is just not a game i play.

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So if those are the parameters that define the way things are for me, i guess it's time to accept that things have changed, and what i wanted originally may no longer be attainable -- and perhaps not even that -- without tremendous risk and sacrifice that will probably be more bad for me than good. i have no intention of running the risk of crash-and-burning my entire life in pursuit of some far-off, unlikely goal that has a good chance of never even materialising in the first place.

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i guess the thing to do now, is to figure out what remains do-able and reasonable from the original goals i'd set myself. And to figure out a way of life that will be good for me, while making it possible for me to still do the things i want to do, and more importantly, be the person i want to be.

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