sanctuary

n. (pl. -ies)  1. a place of refuge or safety
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It's been an odd 2 months, back here in Singapore. That's about as long as i was away. i'm glad to have found sanctuary for now in a place that feels, in some ways, like home. i'm not sure how long i will stay, though. In some ways, the sense of comfort is so beguiling. Knowing what to expect, having a routine. Feeling useful. And yet there is the fear of getting into a rut, of not having time to read and write, of having my circles once again so limited, of the lack of sparkle in my life.
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It feels very strange -- every time i talk to people here these days, i find myself feeling like some sort of, i dunno, anthropologist or something, or a traveller doing research and finding out about a place. It always feels like some sort of information-gathering exercise. Not to say that i don't care about the people i'm talking with as people. i am interested in them, in their lives. But it just feels like i'm outside of it all, and trying to make a decision to whether to go back in, and if so, when and how.
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More and more i feel an outsider here.
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That story in the Old Testament about Elijah, fed by ravens, very much comes to mind. i think, if there's one thing i've been learning in the last 2 years, it is how to take the journey in my stride, with all its unexpected twists and turns, ups and downs. Not quite so zen as yet. But perhaps, one day i'll get there.
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